By Frederic Raphael
Many a true word spoken in jest?
Frederick Rafael, TVi-AM Sports anchor, interviewed Robin Van Persie on his recent controversial transfer to Manchester United
FR: Hello Robin, great meeting you after what has proven to be a long drawn-out summer
RVP: yeah things got real complicated; I just put my head down, got on with training, worked hard. My agent undertook the negotiations and my dad was always there to give advice
FR: is it a case of happy you've made the move and sad to leave Arsenal?
RVP: yeah, well it's a case of both I suppose but there's no doubt United are a big big club; also I have been a massive United fan from when I was a weeny kid.
FR: even though you've been pictured in an Arsenal shirt as a boy?
RVP: yeah, well the truth is (I have to admit) I was a fan of both clubs but United was first, honest
FR: well, now you've moved to the "Theatre of Dreams" how about letting the United faithful know something about about yourself, ready?
FR: your favourite sport outside football?
RVP: has to be croquet!
FR: favourite animal ?
RVP: crocodile if it's wild or a peacrock if it's tame, definitely!!
FR: what about dogs, do you have a favorite breed?
RVP: crocker spaniel, for sure!
FR: favourite flower?
RVP: crocus, without a doubt
FR: favourite food
RVP: croque monsieur 100% or croque o' vin when I'm injured and not training which is most of the time
FR: favourite drink
RVP: croca-cola; also like crocktails when when I'm injured and not training which is most of the time as I've said not to repeat myself like
FR: scariest experience?
RVP: was in the crockpit of a plane when I lost control and ended up in a pile of horse shite on a farm; halfdazed I knew I was alive cos I could hear a crock crowing "crock-a-doodle-do!!" and I knew I was alive
FR: ahem, sounds a bit of a crock and bull story! Sure it happened?
RVP: crock my heart and hope to die, honest!
FR: Ok, what is the worst insult you ever experienced on a football pitch
RVP: well, it pains me to relate this but I was called a Man City supporter and that really really hurt. Turned around and told the geezer "put a crock in it or i'll break down in training". Worse than being called a crock sucker or a crockold if you ask me!!
FR: what do you say to fans that £24m is a sh*t loada money for a 30-year old croc?
RVP: yeah, it's a loada money but I've had one entire whole complete full season with Arsenal so am back to my best and when I'm fit, which is not often mind, I'm a crock in front of goal. Don't want to croak on about it but my Opta stats are the best by far in the Premiership so shove that up your Rooney cos I aint earning less than that ugly mutt!!
FR: Rooney?? The stroppy missing-link-look-alike at United?? He's your new club mate!!
RVP: Oh yeah, forgot meself for a moment thought I was at City I mean Juventus I mean Arsenal. You know what I mean!! Roon's me mate and I love him. Kiss the badge I say, kiss the badge.
FR: Thank you Robin very much for your time; finally, d'you want to say anything to your new adoring fans??
RVP: yeah, well, just know I 'm not a London crockney anymore am diehard red and white Northerner through and through; proud to wear the badge, yeah; even my wife has a new crockery set with "Theatre of Dreams" and a picture of Rooney's arse I mean his face emblazoned in the centre. If I'm fit, a big ask to be sure, a crock a goals beckons cos I promise to score loadsa loadsa times, crock me heart. Thank you fans. Kiss the badge, cos it's oranje on one side and red n’ white on t'other!!
FR: Thank you Robin and good luck mate!
21st September 2012
User Comment and Reaction
User comments on this article are now closed. If you want to continue the debate, why not do so on the Gooner Forum.
Hamza Ali Baksh 9:55am 21st Sep 2012
Haha. Good one! Just be a bit careful though... with Diaby still on our books (please God keep him fit!) we're living in a bit of a glass house and we can't be throwing crocks. - Post No. 29026
gabriel 9:59am 21st Sep 2012
Upon the faith wenger has wit you when you are injured, it is unfair to choose man united over arsenal. Arsenal can move without you, stupid - Post No. 29027
Andre Santos driving instructor 10:36am 21st Sep 2012
United a bigger club than Arsenal.No way not according to Ivan the Terrible.We are the biggest club in the world with the best manager.Who needs trophies? - Post No. 29029
Alex 10:38am 21st Sep 2012
sucked me in at the start - concrockulations - Post No. 29030
Yanto 11:43am 21st Sep 2012
:O))))) SWEEEET! - Post No. 29033
Ron 11:44am 21st Sep 2012
I had a crocking good laugh at that. Well done! - Post No. 29034
maguiresbridge gooner 14:16pm 21st Sep 2012
Very witty Federico all the RVP jokes have been told the subject has been discussed and argued to death on here and i'm sure everywhere else time to let go after all RVP wasn't the first and he'll certainly not be the last. - Post No. 29036
billthered 16:42pm 21st Sep 2012
You must be absolute crockers writing an article like that whilst you still have a house in Crockfosters,lets hope you get crocked and double crocked at the weekend and who do your kids now support,I suggest you dont take any photo's of them cause you never know whats round the corner just ask Berbacrock. - Post No. 29037
Juice 20:34pm 21st Sep 2012
Bitter much? - Post No. 29039
Wombledin 4:50am 22nd Sep 2012
That had me crocking up, hehe. - Post No. 29042
GG89 11:14am 23rd Sep 2012
Crock of sh1t RVP... I´m appeased by the gooners start to the season... Why doesn´t Usmanov offer the fans a 51% share of the club and he´s the president for the first four years and we have elections... This might tip things in his favour and show PHW, Silent Stan et al how to treat the fans and develop the club above all others. We can´t win the league but we can make the other clubs jealous if only he could do this... he´s got the cash... best wait till the premiership and CL is beyond reach, again... C´mon the gooners. FFP probably would force the top clubs to build a new Euro elite and wave good bye to UEFA... - Post No. 29045
SAM 13:54pm 24th Sep 2012
GOOD FOR HIM THEN TO BE AT HIS MANURE UNITED PARADISE-BUT I AM PROUD TO BE GOONER AND NO STUPID PLAYER CAN BE BIGGER THAN THE TEAM OR CLUB. WHO THE CAP FIT LET HIM WEAR - Post No. 29075
20th May 2013
Online Ed: 4th place trophy and CL qualifier secured