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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 04, 2024 9:34 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Stuart L (2) wrote: ↑Thu Apr 04, 2024 2:41 pm
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Tue Apr 02, 2024 3:04 pm
During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch that Fukin wall!"
My favourite
nice work Lefty
Its a true story
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 10:51 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
In the cemetery I saw 4 men carrying a coffin round and round.
3 hours later I saw the same men with the same coffin and i thought to myself "they've lost the fuckin plot"
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 10:52 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Saw 2 blind men fighting yesterday,
Didn't know how to stop them fighting,
So I shouted "I'm supporting the one with the knife"
They both stopped & ran away.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 10:53 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Phones are so expensive nowadays when you fall and hear a crack you hope it’s just your leg.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 10:53 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Two cavemen are talking, one says, "I'm going to teach my woman to speak."
The other one says, "What harm can it do."
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 10:53 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
BBC News: Bad drivers to face £100 fines...
Seems a bit sexist.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 10:54 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I got one of those Dyson Ball Cleaners for Christmas.
Unfortunately, I misunderstood what it was, which is why I'm now in casualty...
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 10:54 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I wonder what Cambridge University Netball Team abbreviate their name to?
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 10:55 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Son: Why is my sister called Teresa?
Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram
Son: Thanks dad
Dad: No problem Alan
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:41 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My wife has been in a coma for two weeks now and doctors have told me to expect the worst.
So I've had to go to all the charity shops and get her clothes back.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:41 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Apparently, North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York, which is a bit scary.
If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:42 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
When I was a kid my parents used to make me walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:42 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.
Feefiphobia.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:43 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
"Diana!" I said greeting my Mother-In-Law as she walked through the door...
She said, "My name's Anna."
I said, "Yeah, I know."
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:51 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Lonely hearts and.
"I am a single man (30) seeking a life-partner to share my soul with. I am sensitive, caring and have a deeply loving nature. If you wish to give me your heart, I will give you mine and know that, held within your gentle hands, it will be safe for ever.
"No fat birds."