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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:52 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis. His doctor tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later, his blonde wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of cold milk.
"Good heavens!" she remarks "I always wondered how you reloaded those things!"
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:58 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Two priests are driving down the road when they are stopped by two police officers.
"We're looking for two child molesters," the officers tell them.
The priests look at each other for a moment before replying, "We'll do it."
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:59 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
"Dad, whats the difference between a pussy and *word censored*?" young son asks.
"Look at this," says dad, as he lifts the sheets on his naked sleeping mother, "that's a pussy son."
"Its wonderful dad, can I touch it?"
"NO son," says dad, "If you touch the pussy you'll wake the cunnt up!"
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 12:13 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
"You're so childish" screamed the wife. "Why do you always have to use that stupid walkie talkie with your stupid friends, this is ridiculous, this relationship is over!"
"This relationship is what? Over"
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 12:14 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Is my Thai girlfriend really a guy? Something inside me says yes!
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 12:15 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Some kids knocked on my door trick or treating,
I told them to fuck off with their American shit, they said "nothing wrong with American culture mister"
so I shot the fuckers.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 12:15 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows it
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 12:16 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
A prostate examination is not a good time to find out your doctor is an amateur ventriloquist
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 2:29 pm
by Midz
All good. The 2 priests is very funny.
![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif)
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 4:20 pm
by OneBardGooner
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 5:01 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 7:02 pm
by OneBardGooner
okay mate
![Neutral :|](./images/smilies/icon_neutral.gif)
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Apr 12, 2024 5:07 pm
by Stuart L (2)
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:59 am
"Dad, whats the difference between a pussy and *word censored*?" young son asks.
"Look at this," says dad, as he lifts the sheets on his naked sleeping mother, "that's a pussy son."
"Its wonderful dad, can I touch it?"
"NO son," says dad, "If you touch the pussy you'll wake the cunnt up!"
My pick of the bunch
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sat Apr 13, 2024 12:31 am
by DB10GOONER
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:58 am
Two priests are driving down the road when they are stopped by two police officers.
"We're looking for two child molesters," the officers tell them.
The priests look at each other for a moment before replying, "We'll do it."
Laughed out loud at most of those Lefty, but this one is golden. Speaking as an Oirish Catholic.
Cough.
![Wink :wink:](./images/smilies/icon_wink.gif)
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sat Apr 13, 2024 6:25 am
by subtleasaheadbutt
Wife walks up to her Husband and asks "Do I look Fat in this dress??"
Husband: "Before I say anything,,, you gotta promise, no matter WHAT I say.... You won't get mad.."
Wife: "Ok.. I promise."
Husband: "I fucked your sister."